Sleepless Two Years Ago

(Found this in my draft box! Thought it goes well with the previous post--time flies!)

Daughter and I are awake in the middle of the night. She is watching videos on YouTube. I am reading Richard Foster's book, Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home.

Why are we still awake:  I drank two Mountain Dews at 9:00pm. Daughter is still on west coast time.

Both of us are hungering. Searching. Feeling the pull...The Pull. He touches us in our own uniqueness.

It's been a year since I've posted anything to this blog. What words could spill out of me that would satisfy the need of putting down my thoughts? Why have I wanted to do this? There is a need to "get out" what is festering, bothering, tormenting, consuming, nagging, overwhelming, thrilling, and driving me. A year ago, daughter was leaving to go home with her boys. In two days, they board a plane and the vacancy is relived.

I smile when I see these pool balls clustered together.
When daughter and the three grandsons are on the plane,
I'll look outside and the memories will be as vivid as the color
on these balls. I pray this picture be symbolic of three brothers
who will ever be close as they fulfill their God-given destinies. 

We have talked. Jesus. Both of us journeying. I know her desperation. I know her torments of inadequacies. I know her desperation of parenting. She has done much better than her mother. I am proud of this only daughter.

Jesus, You are always present. In this, middle of night, you are God with us. What have we made hard, that you long to reveal is quite simple? What have we made complicated, that you want to untangle? What have we concocted, that you want to redirect? What have we missed, that you want us to find?

Daughter and I battle our thoughts and feelings and are learning to resist the consuming audios that rob us of Your love and joy. It is a mystery, this grace of Yours. We are tired making it into what it is not. Help us both to trust Your truth. Letting Your truth guide our trust.

Sunrise is coming. I have to say, a nap may be on the day's agenda!