Contended Discontentment

Light Hitting the Forest Canopy

Light travels approximately 186,282 miles per second. My mind cannot even wrap itself around that "fast". What I can wrap my mind around is the light itself. I love it. This is the view from my rocking chair. I'm an early riser and here is where I sit to connect with the Lord the majority of mornings. Weather permitting, I look forward to the first hits of light on the tree tops. It washes through the canopy and all different shades of green and brown appear. The contrast against blue sky enhances the effect.

In January, as I was reading my Bible, I was drawn to the word light, Light. I have been taking note of it ever since--both scripturally, and naturally. I especially was aware of light Easter morning and I blogged about it ( http://juanita-ihavetosay.blogspot.com/2012/04/light.html ). So what does light or The Light have to do with contended discontentment?

With my diagnosis of an autoimmune disease, and further classified to a connective tissue disorder, I am sensitive to light. With any large amount of time spent in the sun, I come away with sun poisoning. I'm not so crazy about the light in regards to this development! That's an understatement! I am an outdoor gal. My well-being has been tied to nature. What was my soul's nourishment has now become my body's enemy. It's as if I have lost my first love. I grieve. I ache.

How do I garden? Tend to my flower beds? What of family vacations at the beach? How do Jack and I sightsee on our trips west to California to see our daughter? Once there, how do we play with our grandson's? Southern California is meant to be experienced outside. What about visits to West Virginia to my childhood home which is a large farm. Outside is the norm! It's the living room of the farm! Cookouts? Hikes? Swimming? Watching little league games? Playing with grandchildren on the swing set? Oh, how I mourn.

Perhaps this is only temporary. I deny. But, perhaps!

A new normal. That sucks! Sorry! But it does!

And yet!

I watched the sun hit the canopy of trees this morning and I smiled. A gift. A gift to give thanks to The Light. My light-starved soul was nourished. I recognized my Friend, The Light. All the things that I will have to lay down due to sunlight, will be compensated and are compensated in Him, The Eternal Light. I will have to learn this lesson over and over and over and over and over again. I have so much of my desert-walking, wilderness wanderers' tendencies in my veins. I know myself. I will grumble. I have my own Egypts to flee. And I too am fickle and want to return to my bondage; glamorizing the slavery just because I face an obstacle now as well as an unknown future.

The Light surrounds it all:  the obstacle now and the future unknown. I pray I learn to trust The Light of the World. For now, I just need Him with me in my yards! I correct myself: I need Him with me as I stand at my doors gazing out at the yards.

Paradoxes are a part of life. My body needs light--vitamin D!!! My soul needs the big "D"--Deliverer. I have to say that my contented discontentment is a paradox that keeps me seeking The Light.

Light Creeps Through the Branches and Washes the Ground