Fasting

Not fun! God is rolling His eyes. I’m rolling mine and ducking for cover. I’ve read Jentzen Franklin’s book, Fasting, and felt he did the best job of defining what fasting is and what it isn’t without making it sound hyper-religious. It is hyper-effective if your focus is on Him. It is a pharisaical waste of time if your focus isn’t. I know from experience. 

I have a fasting journal. It’s very pretty. I’ve written very neatly in it. God wasn’t fooled. And I wondered around those hot desert sands wondering why I wasn’t getting anywhere.  

I wrote to my friend Kathy telling her that I don’t think God is so impressed with the regimen as He is with the refreshing. Fullness over form. Motive over method. Desire over dogma. Change over a check mark for participating in the church’s yearly fast. And my feet get blistered from all that hot sand; along with a thirsty soul.

I’ve had a meaningful time of fasting--once! It was hard work! Emotional! All consuming!  Fasting scares me. For this control-freak, self-imposed-expectations-freak, perfectionist-freak, fasting is something I can’t live up to. So the enemy has been doing his little giggy-dance celebrating that I’ve listened to his lies. And my heart has grown a bit hard. 

I’ve dreaded and anticipated this time of fasting. That’s what I told my friend Kathy. That’s what I confess to You, Lord. There’s a line in a worship song that say, “...I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it...” And Lord I am sorry for the thing I’ve made fasting. It is all about You. My mind knows that. But my heart is deceitful and self is a thing that fans the deception. I’ve made it about me. I’m sorry, Lord. I’m sorry, Lord.

Give me strength to do the hard work of fasting; trust You with my emotions. Help me not to keep corners of my spirit and soul hidden from You. They really aren’t hidden, I only refuse You access. Lord, I’m weary coming out of this desert. It’s not so far behind me that I still can feel it’s desolation. The absence of being close to You. I have missed You. True, You’ve never left and there have been moments of welcomed oasis’s in the desert. Sips of life-giving water. An oasis in the desert is nice but it’s still in the desert. 

These are words Lord. They sound good and look good on paper. I need Your Word. I’ve asked You many times during this dry time to please don’t give up on me. I’ve known that You wouldn’t but I didn’t know how far or how long I’d stay in the desert. If I’m not completely ready for “whatever”, in these next days of fasting, help me to get there.

I have to say, this has been an interesting first day.  Enemy, the rug that you’ve been cuttin’-up on with your little giggy-dance, it was pulled out from under you at Calvary. Alleluia. I give you all my corners, Lord.