Fog in the Desert

FoggyMorning

Two days ago we had about 2" of snow which froze overnight.
Rained yesterday and this morning it's 50 degrees.
The perfect makings for fog.

I apologized to a neighbor. A contentious neighbor. The words I wrote in the original email were truthful. I was angry without being hateful. I was cautious and correct in what I wrote. But I did not send the email to her. It wasn’t intended to be sent to her. Oh, Wait! Yes I did! Accidentally! Instead of hitting “forward” to a fellow gracious neighbor, I hit “reply” and off my “behind her back” musings were sent. When I discovered what I had done, to say that my heart was racing is an understatement. I had just turned a potentially volatile situation into a definite volcano. I braced for the spew!

Nothing happened. Except for what was stirring inside that I recognized as that “little voice” of conscience. I had ignored the minute whisper as I wrote the email. Now, I could not pretend I didn’t recognize the articulate, succinct roaring of guilt. Could not ignore or deny my behavior. I WAS GUILTY!

Now comes the maneuvering to get out of it--justification is called to the deck. In this sea of churning guilt, the defense carrier brought all combat ready forces to the flight deck. The missiles of justification were launched. Alas! Not a single one hit the target. Missed by miles. Missed by eternity! Why? Because the target wasn’t out-there somewhere. The target was me. Worse yet--the missiles were duds. Blanks with a sickly sulfur smell.

Months have passed. The inevitable was going to happen. We were going to have a community meeting. The volcano did erupt but there was no gigantic rumbling, only a little plumb of smoke without soot or volcanic ash. Her email arrived two days before the meeting. A matter-of-fact statement that she received my email which was obviously not intended for her. Therefore she would not be attending the meeting.

I had to disengage my fleet. I must apologize.

She kept her word and did not attend. It’s been three days since that meeting and I could not put off what I knew I would eventually do. I just didn’t know how to do it. Go to her house. Call her. I emailed. At first I thought that was a bit of an irony.

I woke this morning knowing that I had to do something TODAY. I went to my “prayer closet” and asked the Lord to make sure I was being honest with Him. Was I being a coward? I weighed the ramifications of waiting to see her in person and felt that I needed to extend the apology without the trappings of unneeded dialogue from both sides. I needed to be very simple and straight forward. Contrite and ask for forgiveness because I was wrong. I sent the email. With the apology I mentioned that I had some items for her from the meeting and I would bring them to her at her convenience. It would be awkward but I wanted to treat her as I wanted to be treated. The missile is now on her carrier!

My carrier is light, unburdened and moving through calm waters. Thank You, Jesus.

I have to say, it’s wonderful being without that self-imposed fog of rationalization. Can you have fog in the desert? Is there room at an oasis for a carrier? That must have been a bigger oasis than I thought it was while I was wondering through those sands. Not surprising. The Lord’s offerings of reconciliation and forgiveness are always bigger than what I can perceive...or deserve. (”Midnight at the oasis...” don’t think Maria Muldaur, had any of this in mind but God did!)